S1E75 · Anna Janssen: (Self) Kindness is magic

Hey team welcome to the Virtus Performance podcast we're back for another week episode number 75 I believe. Today's episode is with the ever so lovely Anna Jansen. She is my yoga muse she almost fell off her chair just then that was pretty funny. Anna's someone who has helped bring mindfulness and yoga and self-acceptance to my life and to the lives of many people in the Virtus family. She's someone who lives and breathes the things she believes and the things she teaches I think that's what makes her such a powerful force within the yoga industry being

a paramedic and a yogi are certainly two things that although they're what she does certainly does not define the kind of person she is so it was cool today to sit down and have a chat about who she actually is outside of of those labels and those things that she does. We dove pretty deep into into self-acceptance and kindness and appreciation and I thoroughly enjoyed the last hour or so so I hope you guys do too. Before we get stuck in if you do enjoy the episode or if you enjoy any of the episodes even if you don't enjoy it if you could chuck a five-star review up on iTunes that would be spectacular.

It's weird wanting to pump up this kind of stuff because we're really just having a conversation but the more people that can get behind it and obviously subscribe but also get those five star reviews up the the more people that will get listening and the and the better conversations we can have and that you guys can listen to. So without further ado here's AJ. My personal and business goal is to be just a little bit better every day. I believe everyone especially normal people have a story to tell. The Virtus podcast exists to help us all find small ways of consistent improvement by discussing the journey and experiences of each of our guests.

AJ, how are you mate? Fabulous. Very good. How's your day been? Do you want to hear about it? Are we starting with that or are we gonna finish with that or just bring it up? I'll bring it up at some point but first question for you. Who are you and you're not allowed to answer it with what you do. Who are you? Today. You start with today. I ask other people this. Yeah. And make them ponder that. Yeah. And I haven't asked myself this in a long time actually. It's a hard question. I know it's really hard because I make myself steer clear when I was asking myself this of those classic sort of career job you know partner roles.

So as a person I am just a what I would say is a real compassionate being that is just here to try and be the best human I can for myself and others. And I fucked that up a lot especially today. But we all do. Yeah at the end of the day I'm just a compassionate being. I like that. How's what you are and who you are changed and adapted over the last few years? Heaps actually. So yeah I'd say probably four or five years ago I would have put a lot of worth on my

role as a paramedic and I think as a partner and over time as I've I guess delved into the yoga world which is a lot of introspection and self-inquiry I have come to realize that all of those are just layers and personas and there's just the core core beneath that which is all of those personal values which is what probably other people see me in interactions. So you know my wonderful sense of humor my sarcasm my compassion my want to give to other people. Wow I'm just talking myself up. Yeah play on. I'm all about it.

But yeah that's come to change over the last few years because I realized that there is so much more to me than just my role as a paramedic yoga teacher, partner, daughter, sister, mama to Luna and all those things just coexist but yeah neither of them is you know me neither of them define me. When did that shift happen or when did it start happening and were you aware of it when it did? I think it probably started I'd say maybe three or four years ago and probably when I realized that I was pretty unhappy

with many things in life so unhappy relationship unhappy sort of in just where I was at other than my job and I realized that there was so much love for my job which I still have but I realized that there had to be something more and because I wasn't really finding happiness in other elements I sort of delved into that that was awesome and then I sort of found I guess yoga and realized that all of the things that I was sort of finding to make myself happy were external and so yeah it changed and

I realized exactly what I wanted I realized what I wasn't getting and sort of realized what I deserved and owed to myself and then that's where this sort of big journey of exploring me has come from and yeah so it's been over a few years but I can definitely say it would have happened probably what month the we were in November yeah I'd say three or four years ago. It's pretty cool it's been cool for me outside looking in to see you develop and grow as a person as an individual as a friend. Likewise. It's been a hectic few years.

And it's funny because I think of that with you like who would have thought that I'd be here podcasting with you talking about you know all this real deep shit and you know sharing different things on mindfulness and meditation and you know yoga and all of that cool stuff I just wouldn't have thought that years ago and it's really cool to see that that's where we both sort of ended up in our own way though like separately. Yeah I do it the evidence-based sciency like normal way and you go the hocus-pocus chakras way and it's cool cuz it like I like I joke about it but I've learned so much of you around that spirituality side.

Pseudoscience is great. Yeah pseudoscience is probably not great I wouldn't go that far I kind of find it feel the same with like Tommy and Sammy about like religion like you realize that even though we may have different beliefs about how things have happened or or how things do happen that effectively where we believe pretty much the same things just the semantics are a little bit different and I think I'm not too woo-woo though let's be clear. No you're not. I throw away a lot of the woo-woo bullshit that's out there cuz that's not for me and I don't resonate with that.

You do say chakras a lot but I think that's mostly just to annoy me. Yeah actually. Right now Anna's mixing her coffee with a toothbrush. Let's be clear the bottom end of the toothbrush not the bristle part. Yeah. I'm just seeing if there is any maple syrup because I did ask Heath for an iced maple latte. Yet to taste the maple so thanks Heath. Sorry Heath. Carry on. How'd your journey into the yoga world start and like I think like we use the term like yoga world as like a key to open the door to all this other deeper philosophy stuff but where'd that start?

So that would have been four years ago I think it's yeah yeah four years ago now maybe three and it was at that time where I was not really doing anything physical so I had work I knew that I needed to be sort of keeping fit and keeping healthy both body and mind and I've not really ever enjoyed running dabbled in just the odd occasional sort of run. I wasn't playing any team sports and I had a gym membership that I was just sporadically sort of using. Yeah. And just I think the big part was

that there was just a yoga studio local to me really close to home so I just went and tried a class there and I think at that time was when I'd sort of gotten into Instagram so I had been made aware of yoga as a physical practice and so that's where I came from is wanting to exercise and to me it was all about the cool shit the flexibility the handstands looking like these pretzels on Instagram and it's funny is that sort of how my journey started and I have changed so much with that but

yeah I really liked and I was surprised by how much I liked the spiritual side of it so it became a regular practice and my ex at the time sort of said on this is just a phase like like everything else that I was sort of doing yeah and if it's a phase it's a long one and it became with that then I sort of got into Pilates as well and then I just really started to delve into all of the study that came with that and self-study and realized that the physical practice is just

one of what we called eight limbs and I was just blown away by that because that's all I had been exposed to so then I got approached to do my teacher training and just went for it and I sort of was in classes realizing how much I wanted to be teaching and sharing the practice as well and I just started doing you know extra workshops and things like that and then yes was in a place and everything lined up perfectly for me to do my teacher training and that time when I did that was a

huge sort of transitional phase for me and that's when everything sort of started to shift and so that's how I sort of came into it so purely from a physical practice as so many people do and then you sort of start to peel back all the layers and realize that that is just one very tiny tiny aspect and then if you are open to it it can be a daily practice whether you're actually stepping onto the mat and doing something physical or not yeah so yeah what are the eight limbs we did this last time

yeah I've forgotten do we need to read yes yes all right so we have the yamas and the niyamas so they are sort of moral principles that we follow so a yamas we've got five of them so ahimsa is non-violence sacha is truthfulness in our word and thought asteya is non-stealing brahma sharia refers to sexual intention but we won't go into that today and then apairi graha which is non hoarding so there are yamas and then our niyamas what are sort of cleansing sort of practices so there's five of those as well and then we

have asana which is the physical practice then we have pranayama which is our breath work that we do so anytime we're doing those sort of breathing exercises during class at the start of class maybe at the end pratahara which is withdrawal of the senses so really coming inward and sort of shutting off from anything external dharana which is our concentration and dhyana which is meditation and then samadhi is I guess what we call the eighth limb and it's referred to as enlightenment which is not necessarily something we ever get to but it's just that sort

of you know if we practice all of these things we can maybe start to scratch the surface of that so for some people all they ever practice is the asana the physical practice but you know if if they're really into that some people only want that they show up for that they want to sweat they want to work yeah and a lot of people start with that and then in every class there are elements of everything else so I think you realize and whether you're open to it or not there are all these other principles

which is what is then classified as the lifestyle so you know I think not everyone takes on all of those and it's pretty impossible in a modern society to sort of take on all of those but I just you know a lot of those principles of what what has changed in me over the last few years is like taking on a few more of those things every day would you say yoga and this take this wherever you want but would you say yoga and the practice is a selfish discipline I think so I've spoken about

this recently with someone I think it is selfish in the sense that you sort of put yourself first Oh generally yeah because it is a self practice and it's an internal practice and sometimes I think in the yoga world we can get caught up with taking that too far and then just thinking oh you know well this is this is about me this is my self practice my self-love self-care but then our head gets too far up our own ass and we could get there all right let's also remember the other principles yeah you know

so ahimsa non-violence can refer to non-violence to ourselves in how we treat ourselves and our thoughts and our actions but then with every other being around us so I think yoga is a very selfish practice but if you are also being aware of others around you you can make sure that you're serving yourself and getting what you need but then also being the best human that you're actually having a positive impact on others and not just completely you know neglecting or not taking on the views of other people if that makes sense yeah because I

kind of say it is is that selfishness is important in all areas of our life and I think it's if you have that self-respect and that self-belief it gives you a platform to be able to help other people and I think we see it you know Instagram whatever in different parts of society where people use that selfishness and dive into the selfishness but miss all the other part and forget that you know you actually have to be a good person and you have to do things for other people and they're the things that fulfill you

more than anything else exactly I think it can be a selfish practice it's a self practice which then just projects onto those around you if you know depending on what you're doing but it can certainly be taken to be a completely selfish practice and it's some it's you know you can get caught up in that and I've been caught up in that a lot of the time where I just start saying yes to all of these things for myself and go well it's from a yoga practice it's for this and I need this and I

need this and then sometimes you need to actually take a step back and go no I don't know so it really is a balance that journey into introspection that you've kind of been going on and it's a journey for a reason it's not like yep I'm work as fuck now I'm sweet I'm work I'm work today have have there been periods throughout that where you've been really unsure in the direction you're heading or you've been really struggling with your place in the world or you've been really struggling with you where your heads are yeah I

think early on definitely because as I sort of delved into the yoga world there were things that were popping up that I was really drawn to and I wasn't perhaps in a place where I was able to comfortably go and explore that so I remember returning home from a yoga retreat and it was like a three-day winter solstice retreat and it was my first sort of I guess yoga retreat was my first think I've maybe been practicing for I don't know maybe eight months or something and it was incredible and there was actually no physical

yoga on this retreat as it turned out but there was you know meditation drinking lots of chai essential oils and craft and just really good deep chats with this beautiful bunch of women and I came home from it and that's right during this retreat someone was there I was actually Shanae from Lulu yeah but she shout out to Shanae she was actually there doing a Reiki session and I've never delved into this I've never known what it was and so it was a short Reiki session and some card readings and you know I've gone woo-woo

so anyway I had had that and cool liked it you know yeah first sort of touching to that and then I came home from the retreat and I by no means was then gonna go and get regular Reiki sessions or anything but I remember just saying to my ex at the time that just talking about the retreat and the response I got was well if you're into all that bullshit now but it's quite seriously like you know I don't want a part of it and it wasn't that I will then wanted to delve into it

like I hadn't come home and gone alright now I'm gonna become an anti-vaxxer I'm gonna you know throw out my armpit hairs and you know take Reiki healing sessions every day but I just found like something that I was really drawn to in that whole retreat you know which was really just a beautiful weekend of mindfulness and connection yeah and so I sort of felt really defeated and was like all right well all right I can't really explore this but part of me knew that I wanted to sort of delve more into all of that

so that was sort of the first time when I realized I am like maybe this isn't me and maybe this isn't who I am and I shouldn't explore that mmm but then part of like as time has changed I'm like no like there are parts of the spiritual side that I really really love and then there's parts that yeah for me are a bit too woo-woo and I just sort of go alright cool and I think it's important to be able to be self-aware enough to one not take everything on face value and actually be

able to dive into it a little bit but also to know when okay this isn't my jam right now and my like in a couple years things might change or if you know yeah you might start going down a different path and I said to you five years you've been journaling every day and meditating what would you say or maybe ten years ten years yeah yeah it's just for such a big part of my life it just wasn't even on the radar yeah and I think like journaling for example I fought with journaling for like

years like I knew you know like I knew that I needed to do it or I wanted to do it but it took me you know two and a half probably two and a half years before I like started like writing things down you know when you get a new diary and you're like or a new book and you write something in the first three pages and then don't touch the book for another six months that was me and journaling I'd try it and it just wouldn't wouldn't work yeah yeah yeah and I'm still there

some days I have to like force myself to write write in it but the last and it's a very small sample size and relative to everything but the last 68 days I've written I've filled up a page and written thoughts and notes and quotes and shit on the other page and now I feel like I'm missing something if I don't do it now I think like I'm missing an opportunity to understand myself better or to get my words out there or to understand the world a little bit better and that meditation something that I'm not

hitting every day yet but I hit most days and if I miss miss a day that's the same feeling it's almost like that a little bit of I've missed out an opportunity to know myself better and I think that's just come from persistence it's you know it's something that I've wanted to do but just haven't for whatever reason and I think their habits that now I'm cultivating because one of the circles I surround myself with so obviously having people like like you and being able to you asked me if we're doing if I'm doing yoga

this week or if you know see you talk about a different side of the practice it's not just the physical side because the physical side of things I've had significant amount of like physical exertion or whatever for the last 20 years but it's the concentration side and the withdrawal of senses and the meditation and going inwards that's kind of that most excites me at the moment yeah yes I don't know it's it's interesting one but I think and really understanding what meditation actually is and what mindfulness actually is I think so many people see it

as having to just sit there and not think I think that's still becoming a little bit more open to people I have those conversations twice a week now like oh like do you are you able to just not think no that's like not the point yeah yeah I think it's gradually becoming a little bit more for one of the better word mainstream in the sense that people are becoming aware that it's not just forcing yourself to sit uncomfortably yeah and clear man and I'll think about things you don't have to see you can lay down

and you can do it on the train you can whatever yeah it's people are realizing okay there's still a little bit of woo-woo to boo around it though for some people that are maybe not ready to sort of step into that yet and they might not ever get there but I guess everyone's got their own path but like the like the car map for example has changed like it's changed my life like I remember maybe fed this year I bought it and it's like 70 bucks a year or something I was like a little bit

of positive pressure if I buy it I'm probably gonna use it yeah it's easy to do that so and I've just jumped into it most days since then and yeah I I love being able to I kind of go into it I try not to go in it with an intention yeah I just sit and think but I usually am in one of two head spaces I'm either you know you know it's slightly anxious a lot of stuff going on kind of headspace if I'm in that headspace when I do it I try and like

like I'm sitting by a river like a picture a river in my head and all the thoughts are just going down the river and I watch them go past and then I wait for the next one and I'll wait for the next one and the ten minutes feels like it takes about a minute yeah and if I'm not in that headspace I mean like that kind of creative kind of looking for looking for cool ideas headspace and then I picture the river again but then I like wait out like grab the thought and like start

unraveling it and like pulling in a piece of string and I find just being aware of like the how I feel beforehand I always finish the 10 15 20 minutes over I'm doing for and I'm like here's what I need to do yeah or here's what I don't need to do yeah exactly yeah and I mean the best thing is I think the best time to do is obviously when you first wake up in the morning before you look at any device before you do anything even if you're still in bed when you do it

is actually I guess right back to sleep I know that's what you have to sit up you have to like but that is the most profound time to do it because it's before you have had any external influences and you can just allow whatever comes up and yet still just like not attach any sort of extra attention or effort to what pops up hmm but it's a really good time to do it and then just if you want to then make a plan for the day but not a plan in the sense of a to-do

list but a plan of what how do you want to feel today what do you want to do for yourself things like that rather than alright I've got to take this off go take that off hmm and so like the moment I mean it's funny because I go on I'll do teach trainings or retreats and you know for days or weeks at a time on these trainings or retreats it's like you get a really good solid consistent practice and then come back home and it just goes out the window so that's what happens it's the

first thing to go yeah and that's why I love seeking out classes and using I guess my time when I'm teaching to allow for that as well because yes there's so many of us it's just something that we get like yeah I haven't done that today but that's okay yeah and the best intention is to do it the next day the next day but yeah I hold myself I've tried to hold myself accountable for it because I know like yourself I know when I do it I feel amazing and or I do it and I

struggle and that's okay well it's like the when you don't want to do it that's when you really need it you know I always thought that was a bit of a cop out yeah but it's just like showing up at the gym or eating a healthy meal it's like just doing it is and even if you get nothing out of it just that and that's why I am really happy to be able to sort of bring the slower stuff with your other diverse because as I'm sort of finding I feel like that's what more people

averse need they go to verse for their physical activities and like there is still a demand for being out some people want that because I think the things that I guess we work on in yoga are different to not someone's working on in the gym definitely and you're also getting all of the other aspects in the mindfulness and time to sort of slow down and pay attention as well but what I'm finding is there's just such a demand for our slower in classes at the moment yep and I like being able to offer that because

there's a lot more time for me I feel to be able to offer longer periods of meditation and time to just really come inwards without me feeling like oh I better not spend too long sitting and getting around to sort of have a med beforehand because I know that they've come from vinyasa and they want to get moving and they can get bored so I'm really enjoying that at the moment and being able to offer that because the feedback that I'm getting is really good and I'm enjoying being able to allow people a space that

they can come into and just completely slow down switch off and just sort of be nurtured for an hour and also you know start to build this really sort of positive internal relationship and then through that it might be you know very still short meditations but it's making it a little bit more accessible for people to be able to just sort of turn up and go oh all right I only need to maybe sit and do this with five minutes and then I can do that at home yeah hundred percent um it was funny Tess's

mom I forget her name lovely lady it's gonna be able to my time for the rest of the podcast but Tess's lovely mom and her husband came to a year in class of mine months and months ago yeah and when I was talking to her not long ago she said oh yeah my husband and I we just you know loved your class but just only being to the one but she said we loved it and since then we've now got a home practice how good and so they don't take much it doesn't take much and

she said that you know in the mornings now it's it whether it's just sitting they see it they have a short meditation and then some you know just really nice mindful movement to wake up in the morning so just you know some Sun salutations and some cat cow movements and just sort of mobilizing the spine which I think everyone needs to be doing every morning anyway and you know things like your hip cars and things like that and she said that surprisingly as her husband who every single day does it without fail and so she's

like he holds me accountable yeah because he wakes up and that's what he does and that was something they started just after coming to the class and I felt really bad because I couldn't remember the class that they came to you or what we did but I thought like that's awesome if that's what I can and if that's what you're looking in fact you can make in an hour yeah if that's what we can offer to people then that's awesome like if everyone was having a home practice that would be ace so I am so

happy if that's what people get out of a class with me is that oh I'm now empowered to do a home practice then I'm that my job's done and then they can come back when they need to come back but that's amazing like that's something that is you know we've made that accessible for someone if you could articulate anything in so many words what meditation gives you what you take from meditation what would you say just awareness of I think what is happening right now so I guess awareness of the present moment and just coming

back to the now because it's so easy for us to think about the events of the day or the week or what's coming up yeah and so when I am meditating I just try not to let any of that shit take up any of my time because do I need to be focusing on that right now no I don't because when I finish meditating in 10 or 20 minutes that will be there waiting for me yeah and then you can look forward to the cool stuff that's because you know I'm not saying that we don't

need to forward plan or reflect because that's something we'd be in a bit of trouble if we didn't yeah so that's what we need to be doing but not in that period of time where we want to just sit and become really present with here and now so for me that's what it is and like you said it's just imagining that anything that pops up we acknowledge it and go yeah carry on keep going so I often when I am doing it I have to have something to I guess bring myself back which for me

is just simply coming back to a breath just okay I'm distracted I'm focusing on that I'm starting to plan gonna come back to an inhale yeah and start again and that might happen 50 times in 10 minutes and that's okay because it's simply being aware of and that's all meditation is it being aware so yeah I think awareness is then like step one mm-hmm and then afterwards it's okay let's start planning or executing some of the things that we've become aware of whether it be you know improving this area of your life or having a

conversation with this person or whatever I think it allows you I got for me I kind of look at it as like it gives me a bigger container to be able to give my best self to everyone yeah and to enter me yeah and when I'm not doing it I know there's some a little bit more edgy and I'm a little bit more moody no maybe I mean I haven't made moody since 2007 potentially what was that I just picked around him here I digress I think one of the things I realized that meditation doesn't

have to be sitting and breathing and even with God it doesn't have to be any of that like I've had a word correct correct we did a couple weeks ago surfing like driving I've been trying to not have any music or podcast playing because I'm horrible I'm horrible for consuming information so like I'll just consume it consume it consume it consume so my journals for me so this conversations for but like that inability to actually process it if I'm just consuming all the time so you know I don't listen to any music in the mornings

now 15 minutes but it's 15 minutes of silence of thinking or fighting to stay awake either either yeah but it's and you know 15 minutes where I can digest all of the thoughts from the day before and then I've been trying to go for a little walk every day and do the same thing no no nothing coming in just thinking in time when like when was the last time you had an hour of silence you had an extra hour this morning extra to me that's funny because my drive to X I drive 15 minutes to

work and I love it it's yeah the radio's off no Spotify on no podcasts and it's just that time and what I have been doing lately and it's the best thing is I sleep with my phone on airplane mode has we might jump into but I keep it on airplane mode for you know I don't take long in the morning this believe it or not I wake up with look fantastic carry on yeah so maybe 20 minutes in the morning half an hour at home I just leave my phone an airplane mode get in my

car and drive to it yeah and it's silence and that for me is normally like my morning meditation because it's my time to sort of just process everything what what am I woken up with today what am I working with today and that's what I often see it as as well what have I got to work with today because every day that changes a little bit depending on what's happening what's previously happened so I love that 15 minutes in the morning and then I try to challenge myself to see how long it takes before I

flick that airplane mode off normally it's pretty quick I get to work and just dive into some dopamine yeah yeah yeah have some morning dopamine with my coffee so that for me is really good but the way my sort of roster works is that's only like one or two days a week but I love that sort of dr. work so yeah I think it's really good back to the the teaching what was it what was the transition like going from student to teacher and teachers are just students in a in a different way yeah but

what was it like like almost pulling back the curtain going a bit a bit of Wizard of Oz and seeing it from the other end yeah it was I think for everyone that does it it's a little bit of a wake-up call because you realize how human people are and how human your teachers are yeah and I always still try to now go into every teachers class with a very open mind because you know that they we all make mistakes we all fuck up and it's really hard now unfortunately and I know a lot of

teachers find it the same to go into a class and to not analyze everything so I have teachers that I love to go to and part of me because I love their classes I love their sequences I love what they're doing part of me is almost look almost has a notebook that was really cool remember that and everyone does it because nothing in yoga is original everything is adapted from another teacher and another teacher and we just add acid of only salt and pepper to it and that is how I guess with your own individual

personality that's how we get individual teachers but you know everything in yoga is essentially plagiarized and that's the beauty of it because then we will just add what we want to it yeah but it's really hard now sometimes to just be in a class and to have that experience that I used to have as a student so I think you lose that a little bit so when I first started teaching it was very sort of humbling to you know walk up there and go I totally got this you know and then you know next minute

you're sending everyone left instead of right and still do it every day there's some there's some of the best classes are the best look I think you have to just laugh at yourself and I think in my teacher training was one of the things that sort of came up a lot was I when I teach I just sort of keep it pretty light and that's something that if I don't do that my classes aren't really me yeah and so agreed yeah and so you know I just need to keep that sort of I guess light

humor of knowing that you know keep that sort of openness and humanism yeah in my classes but yeah it definitely changes and I think a lot of teachers can empathize with that that once you do you teach training and further trainings you can really struggle to just then simply be an enjoy your class so there's teachers that I seek out just to purely like absorb it as a student and I'm trying now to just sort of let that happen a lot more yeah and then if I if I like something just don't focus too much

on it in the class just just do it and then go you know later on the next day let's play with that like I liked that yeah maybe I'll try that rather than trying to think during the class alright so they said this they said that and they did that you know I've analyzed everything and don't actually enjoy it yeah and it happens a lot I do the same thing with coaching and it makes me not want to train myself yeah do you have periods of going I don't want to practice yeah yeah and I

think you can become really fussy as well and so I'm pretty fussy because I value my time and we all a lot of us do and so I think like if I'm going and spending an hour and you know driving here driving there I'm really picky about where I go and who I want to see and I I know that people do that as well so that's why I feel so humbled when people choose to come to class with me yeah there's one person whether it's 10 whether it's 20 like I am truly and I

make sure I thank people at during each class at the end of every class because I think knowing that myself when I go as a student to someone's class like I'm really giving up my time yeah to be in the space and allow them to guide me through something so I go through periods where yeah I don't get to classes and I I sort of for me I mix it a little bit up with like for me it's always a conflict do I VGT or do I yoga so and I love both and I'm yet

to go to a VGT like that I never want to go never I drive there I don't know what it is it's just this aversion to the gym yeah and then I get there and I afterwards and it pretty much every time I call paths afterwards you like bottle that feeling it's like this there's no such thing as a bad meditation so there's no such I don't think is this bad this such thing as a bad yoga class because if you give yourself to that class for that hour yeah then and that's it even if

you didn't love what the teacher taught you cannot have walked out of that class without bettering yourself in some way whether you know it then or not so yeah I am I sort of have my mind body about five different studios and then verse with the VGT schedule and whenever I say if it's you know Monday and I'm like alright I've got this evening free I'm not teaching yeah I want to go to a class and then I look and I look at what's on what time who's teaching and then I choose where I want

to go so yeah I do that and I've got set teachers that I love and set classes that I love so it slips off a little bit it's great in sort of the studios that I teach being able to then just go to classes when I want to that's a really awesome thing about the yoga industry is if you generally if you teach somewhere you can just practice there so that's what I love and it's for me it's like I don't have an excuse not to work out my brain or my mind because I have

these things on offer to me whereas people other people on the other hand have to go can I afford to go to yoga tonight no I don't think I can like I'm just gonna look at something at home so I need to remind myself when I'm being lazy shit that I am so privileged to be able to just go and do this and not have to think about that little gratitude play right yes yep this morning at 10 a.m. if I was to have asked you what are you grateful for would you have said and

would you have been in a headspace to be able to actually stop and I am I was driving and I was having periods of it's okay don't worry about it and you're an idiot you're a fuck up so if you ask me what I was grateful for people being forgiving and accepting and chill so grateful for Lulu Sorrento and I would have said I'm grateful for I still don't know who it was that took the class that I didn't show so and I may have slept in this morning and miss mr. mr. room full of

yogis she was still asleep when they were starting but it happens right does it I've been there yeah not yoga but obviously and it's a horrible feeling I think whenever you're you're not where you're supposed to be and where you said you would be yeah and you can't do anything about it and that like lack of control that's funny but it was that far gone that I couldn't even go I'm going to be a bit late or I couldn't even say it's quarter to nine class starts at nine couldn't even call and say do you

mind just like surely there'll be someone there I knew that there'd be a yoga teacher doing the class yeah that can just take it yeah no no no it was 10 past 9 is fantastic so yeah I knew that when I when Luna woke me up just sort of sniffing around that I had slept in because I felt way too fresh I knew that it was not 7 a.m. because I just felt really good looked and sure enough my phone on airplane mode yeah 906 couple of missed calls once you turn it flicked it off

yeah because I just yeah didn't and then that's happened once before at work and I didn't feel as bad when it happened at work did not feel I mean short people's lives but no yeah it's a little different though like you've got a room full of you like Yogi's ready to go yeah and that's the thing people have expecting you to be there and that's it and with an incredible group of people that have given me that opportunity to do that and you know letting people down is the shittest thing and doing when you commit

to something and commit wholeheartedly like I was so excited I love events like that and I love being able to offer that to people so I was you know I had all my uniform laid out like oh yeah cool you know had everything ready to roll and you know the drive down I was just gonna have a playlist on and just you know I normally talk through my stuff yeah I sort of sat there twiddling my thumbs I'm like all right well it's too late to get down there now what do I do so anyway

were you kind to yourself no why not because I felt like I'd fucked up and I I went but I went through periods like honestly that so I ended up still driving down there because I wanted to go and make it in time to see the end of the class was there and say thank you to who covered and didn't get there in time everyone had already gone by the time I made it down to Blake Harris I was like alright cool no worries but I had periods of it's fine and I had to ask

myself like alright what was the consequence of my actions or inaction and at the end of the day people were just chillin for about ten minutes yeah and then they still got a free yoga class so like the people that went got what they wanted and probably and from what I heard a great class and so that's fine it was nothing off the backs of the guys at Lulu that worked for them someone still taught the class yeah and so it was more just how I felt and so that's something I can now control correct

and so I had like the sort of negative self-talk and how harsh I was on myself was far worse than the actual consequences of what had happened so I had to keep reminding myself that and I was like it's fine it's okay but and this do you still have those feelings so then I'd be okay and I was like yeah cool no worries just breathe all good and then that sick sort of feeling in my stomach was just still there and it's still there right now yeah it's good it's good to feel upset and disappointed

and yourself but I think you care about it yeah 100% and I just yeah I don't know people that that's not an uncommon thing for them yeah but you know it can be unreliable and things like that and they just sort of go oh you know sorry but for me I was just yeah because to me I thought this reflects me as a person I'm now seen as this unreliable irresponsible sleepy we talk about start what you do doesn't determine who you are yeah yeah yeah exactly cuz you messaged me instead this is at 914

so you must have messaged me like just after you woke up I said you know when you fuck up guess I did today slips through what was meant to be teaching yoga for Lulu at Srento we can talk on the podcast about it good and I said don't let it ruin your day and you said I'm trying so I think it's really easy yeah and that's the thing like we can do our best to try but there's still gonna be that voice in the back of my head saying you're a piece of shit you fucked

up because I've done is it like I've done it repeated like yeah not repeatedly but I've done it you know a couple of times a year for the last ten years of being a coach and it sucks all right it's nothing worse but one time with the last time I did it I was like 20 minutes late and interns were warmed the guys up out the front of the gym like a couple of people went home cuz they were like oh I'll just go get an extra little bit of sleep and I felt so horrible

but then about an hour after that class I stopped and I kind of went if I feel like this the rest of the day I'm gonna have a horrible day I'm gonna shoot our stay and I kind of went I'm not gonna let this from my day and it was just like a simple mindset shift yes I still had that feeling in my guts for the rest of the day but I know having one of the best days I've had for a while and I remember sitting there sitting at home that night I wasn't generally

at this point but if I would have written something about actually just stopping and yeah and thinking of being a little bit kind of yourself I remember thinking like I could have ruined my day or I could have decided and so many of us so often wear our own worst enemy because we just go out your piece of shit and that never get negative self-talk like if you were attending that class and the teacher hadn't rocked up and you probably would have stuck your hand up to take it you would have no negative feelings towards

that teacher right yeah you'd be full of self full of compassion yeah for that person I must have like a big week last week or they must have just miss their alarm or whatever yeah you would never feel shit no and then that's it and I didn't I like that I haven't thought about it like that so that's really cool because yeah that's how I didn't think of it like that but I thought I was sort of thinking from the perspective of everyone they're like you know ten minutes is ten minutes that's nothing and then

they go to class so they got what they came there they arrived for yeah and I got an extra two hours sleep it's the dream so it's win-win it's win-win you know what what a great day just don't do it again and if you do it doesn't yeah like it's just that how we how we frame something to ourselves changes everything like I haven't I haven't practiced yoga in three weeks and rather than being I know it's mostly your fault but that is my fault it's completely my fault that's true I've had stuff on but

so I've been practicing like three weeks and like I was thinking about it the other day and I was kind of annoyed at myself that I hadn't and I hadn't sought out a class and I hadn't made it happen but then I was like I'm just gonna be excited for Friday for Sunday yeah rather than worrying about it and I'm just getting excited for next Sunday yeah should do the same thing so oh yeah Junyasa Junyasa yeah yeah yeah forever for anyone listening to this on the 2nd of December I don't think the podcast is

gonna be a let's go in tomorrow cheese yeah on the set on the 2nd of December we have the vertice Christmas party and a vertice HQ in mornington and at 12 o'clock we kick it off with Junyasa 3.0 so we get to drink gin and do yoga which is kind of the best thing ever and then we have our Christmas party and then we get to play basketball vertice ball it's kind of a dream day I'm so excited question for you though fucking hope so otherwise I'll take the class yeah all right guys child's pose

and see you in an hour but reason I brought that up is because yoga for a lot of people is a very I'm looking for it's a it's a practice that shouldn't be mixed with other vices or other things but a lot of people see it that way sure yeah and that's what that was my question like what kind of backlash have you had from the Junyasa staff only one like one person yeah and I get it from their perspective of just seeing I guess the promotion of it without experiencing it yeah and so we've

done two and the first thing we start with is connection to everyone in the room so it's a both of them have been a bunch of strangers actually so a few you know a few birds people but a lot of people that don't know each other yeah and so the first thing that we do is we go and she isn't someone in the eye that we don't know and like what I like about it is it gets people out and into the yoga space that might not have gotten there otherwise because you know if there

are types of yoga that are accessible for people and they they see that and that might be their story but they're not gonna get into that space whether we do it is an intimidating space exactly and so what I like to be able to offer is something that doesn't matter if you can touch your toes or touch your nose like it doesn't matter if you've got passes flexibility it creates this and you know most classes should be able to get to most classes should be able to offer that but in reality they don't and that's

fine yeah but we we do just sort of let go of any of the expectation of bullshit around what something should look like and whether you're doing it right yeah and we actually just connect to everyone else in the room and then we do take so we still take that time to sort of sit and come into a space of non-judgment and acceptance and fun and we still throw in the other yoga principles yes we have gin but we're not getting shitfaced hmm that was my birthday depends on the ratios look ratios yeah does depend

you know we're not there to just simply get shitfaced and make a mockery of yoga and that's the thing like I think anyone that's been would say that we still I think we still show so much respect to the practice oh yeah and you know there are other advances you know people do vino and vinyasa and all these other different events which bring people together and so I think after the one at common bank that we did I had someone in there partner come and they've been experiencing just a bit of difficulty together and they

said to me like thank you so much like him coming just was so good for our relationship we needed that time to just completely connect to each other and love each other and I was able to offer that through yoga yeah yes through Ginyasa but it wasn't you know I think that that's really awesome if that's what we can offer and so I think it is something really cool to be able to offer like to do with a friend or a couple you know if you're going solo that's cool but and that's why we try

to sort of honor if people are turning up solo that's why I get everyone to sort of mingle it's just this pure connection and like then during you connect with yourself and then it's you know cheers a person next to you and those that environment doesn't happen enough in society people people don't put themselves out there or don't put themselves in environments and people don't lead those environments enough for people to go you know what like let's get around this like so conference during the week and it's kind of tradition I've been to this was

my fourth one of this and it was tradition that at the start everyone stands up music pumps everyone gets a job like gives two random people a hug like just a big hug like their old friend you haven't seen for years and I love that part of it yeah and like finding different things that we can do has a Buddhist family as a community as a society to do those things and to have feel that way yeah it's so powerful yeah yeah and that's it so I I think I've only received it sort of one

sort of negative comment or interaction with it and that's from someone who's very very within very very traditional yoga space and that's fine and it's like there there are things within that yoga space that I disagree with as well and that's opinion and that's okay but that's coming from someone who's only sort of seeing the external side of it and I get that yeah seeing it you know yoga and gym like why are we doing that like why I wish yeah but you know I would love for that person to come along but I'd still

think still might not enjoy it hmm but at the end of the day I have to not think about like everything you do is gonna piss someone off no matter what you do time so and so at the end of the day I offer what I offer to those people that want to come and have a go and you know within yourself why you're off of that yeah and like it doesn't make me question it one little bit so yeah Junyasa will be continuously expanding and you know for example today there was an event on

the peninsula goat yoga go yeah but it was done at this gorgeous farm on the peninsula and it was a day it was called Kami farm so it was actually a day of again connection meditation being out in nature yeah yoga with goats and it was like someone could turn around and go that's bastardizing you know it's still creating connection yeah beautiful interaction and and if it lowers that barrier entry for a few more people to experience yoga like yeah I'm sure some of those people who maybe haven't tried yoga and go you know what

I love Jim let's give this a try they might be yogis now exactly exactly so yeah I like that question for you mm-hmm are you happy yes good why and how do you know you're happy so didn't have any hesitation to say yes and yeah I don't know everything is good I'm doing I'm doing what I want to do and yeah I'm well rested and evidently evidently like fresh look fresh feel fresh I'm sort of just I guess living what I'd say is my dharma my truth and doing the things that I love and that's

cool because you haven't always been happy yeah I can't we've had conversation before when you're like I wasn't happy yeah but like at the time you might not realize that you're not happy until you get happy yeah so you realize the difference yeah then you realize the difference oh she it but yeah you've cultivated the life you live now yeah it hasn't just been like um I wasn't handed a plate of happiness no I was handed a delicious plate of pass and that's true that they mean what a man for footings of has has he

was eating dong as we call him no I wasn't I cultivated this in the sense that I realized I was unhappy took a long time and I think for many of us that can take a long time can take years took me years knew I something wasn't right and then you know finally sort of realize this is what I don't want and then by doing that allowed me the space to accept what was coming next and what I didn't hmm it's pretty cool that's pretty powerful yeah yeah I'm really sorry I get tonight just give

me a yoga boner I'm gonna give everyone yoga bonus tonight bastardizing yoga probably shit anyone that's like not a fan of what I'm offering would have probably left the podcast already so it's fine I should say I think anyone offended by yoga bonus probably already gone next question what are you becoming I don't know yet but it feels good feels good do it mm-hmm yeah I don't know yet yeah it's exciting I kind of I have that question I asked you right at the start which is like who and what are you outside of the

things you do I feel as though the body you becoming is like a future version of that question yeah it's like okay well what are the things that I'm doing every day and how does that can affect what I what I end up and how does the way I think affect where or what I end up to be yeah she's hiding because it's like you said it's it's all on us to cultivate that future or that whatever and the future might not even exist yeah which is the scary thing plus the exciting thing because it

means that if there's something that we're not doing if people are aware that can become aware that they're not happy like you did you it's up to you to change it no one else is gonna change it for you yeah exactly you need to step into that and own that love you like one more thing before we finish up I mean do something for me I'm gonna read one of those little poems in that little book so if anyone hasn't already heard or seen this book it's called Anatomy by Franks Martin and she's a Melbourne

based yogi teacher so let's just yeah she'll be on in a couple of weeks she'll be on and I've never met her I want to I'm just already fangirling over her so it's this book that's I guess similar in a sense to the the Sun and her flowers and milk and honey but way less dark and deep still dark and deep but it's pretty heavy some of it's heavy but it's beautiful so it's I guess poetry and beautiful words and it's a story so I'm gonna read I've got so so many of these pages are

cornered yeah don't think it counts if you corner the whole book you may as well have just left them ungored yeah I know and I just think I just pick this up randomly like I carry it with me a lot all right this is the short one but this is so profound and I think that it's so important for people to to sit with so I'm gonna read two things carry to do whatever you want I'm gonna read this one first permission to be who I am is the greatest gift I ever gave myself it

is endless it's like that is just it's profound it's amazing and I think it comes into that whole sort of acceptance and self-acceptance self-love and just truly accepting yourself as you are and allowing yeah just nice yeah yeah oh yeah but I think if you accept yourself for who you are what's and all that it doesn't mean you can't want to still improve and get better and grow and become a better human yeah exactly well with that is is this other so this comes before that I do not care what you look like under that

happy shiny mask let your truth spill over your edges let your truth spill over your edges let your flaws surge through your scars let your shadows your tears your pain engulf you I'll be here rock steady heart open loving you through it all self-love so yeah like accepting yourself and then knowing that there are gonna be these flaws and these things that you're gonna be working with and improving upon but yeah you know it's been an absolute pleasure you