S1E57 · Susan Bell: Resilience

Hey superstars, welcome to another instalment of the Virtus Performance Podcast. Before I chat to you guys about today's guest, I would like to thank all of you for tuning in, for listening, for getting around it. If you have been enjoying it, please share, subscribe, send it to people you love. If you haven't, send it to people you don't love. Today's guest is Susan Bell. I first met Susan about 12 or so months ago, maybe a little longer than 12 months ago. Susan came down to do some training and do some learning and she's someone who

after going through significant weight loss, going through a couple of brain surgeries and a bunch of IVF, she's someone who has been incredibly resilient and someone that I look up to, who inspires me on a weekly basis every time I see her on a Friday and it was an absolute pleasure to sit down with her today and chat about her journey. So hope you guys enjoy it, I'm sure you get a lot out of it. If you do, give us some feedback, we'd love to hear from you. My personal and business goal is to be just a little bit better every day.

I believe everyone, especially normal people, have a story to tell. The Virtus podcast exists to help us all find small ways of consistent improvement by discussing the journey and experiences of each of our guests. Susan. Lachie. Welcome to the podcast. How are you? I don't think I've ever called you Susan before. That was weird. No, I don't think so. Sue's. How are you, mate? Good, thanks. Good. How's your day been? Fantastic. Thanks. First question for you. What gets you out of bed in the morning? My kids are my job. They're both number one in my

little world, like if I didn't have, if I didn't love working out next gen and didn't love the people I worked with and wasn't as successful as I am in that, my kids wouldn't be able to do what they do, I guess. And yeah, I work so that they can, well, I work because I love it, but I don't want them to miss out on anything that they asked me to do, kind of gets a little bit tough every now and again, but I still say yes and hope that at some point that they will, you know, absolutely love something or want to stop something perhaps.

That's cool. But anyway, yes. I like it. Tell us about your job. What do you do? I'm a personal trainer, a coach, and I work at next gen fitness factory in Bayswater and I love the place. I actually first met Eve when I started to lose weight a few years ago. I'd lost 10 kilos before I went to next gen and at that time she was running a boot camp from a local school. I'd actually backed onto our fence at the time where I lived and through six degrees of separation, I ended up, I was

talking about this particular boot camp to people that I worked with at the time and one of the girls go, "Oh yeah, I go to a boot camp at a school." I'm like, "Oh yeah. What school is it?" Thinking it was not this school. She's like, "Oh yeah, Bronya Heights." And I'm like, "That's the one I need. I need her contact details." Anyway, so yes, I ended up going to her boot camp. She's helped me heaps with obviously PT. I started her boot camps, then I progressed into one-on-one PT. And then she expanded and opened up the factory and I continued to train there and now I am very grateful to work there.

That's awesome. Yeah, two and a half years there now. So you've been there two and a half years, how long has the factory been? Three, maybe three and a half, when did it open? I didn't work there for the first, so I was a member for the first year. What was it like going from being a member to being a coach? I like it because anytime I have to make a decision about something, obviously the best interest of next gen is like forefront of my mind, but I also think like where they're coming from, from a member's perspective, what I would think if I was a member in that situation.

So I actually am very grateful that I've come from a member's perspective, not just straight in there. Are you able to connect with your clients better because you're coming from that point of view? Maybe, yeah. Maybe. It's pretty hard to talk to anyway though. I know like a lot of people contact me, but all of us trainers get contacted, but yeah, maybe. Awesome. What were you doing before next gen? I've got a nursing background. Yeah. So did you not know that? No. Oh, there you go. That's quite enough. Yeah. So I've come from a nursing background.

So I was a nurse for 17 years. So I did nursing part-time and doravich part-time, then I had kids and then doravich. Just before I had kids, I was doravich full-time, which is blood taking, and then various roles in that company, which was pretty cool. And then had kids and went back to part-time and just did pathology, doravich. What made you, like talk me through the events that made you choose to give up nursing and go to be a coach? I wanted to- What was the easiest transition, having a couple of kids at the same time?

Yeah. Well, at the time I just wanted to study something. At the time it was something in nursing. I didn't for a second, I didn't not think about PT. I just thought it was like a little story that I told myself, I guess, that it was like too hard to be a PT in terms of starting up your own business and stuff like that. So I kind of put it to the back of my mind, but then I don't know what happened one day. I just applied for a PT course. That's cool. And studied. So

I worked and then I studied two nights a week and one Saturday, finished the course and yeah, I just ran my own little boot camps out of a childcare center. I was asked to play center near me and I was really grateful for that opportunity and those people actually followed me across to next gen as well. So that was pretty cool. But yeah, when I was qualified, I just thought, oh, I'll just run some boot camps and then loved it. So I didn't leave nursing because I didn't like it and I'm a massive, massive believer in if you don't like your job, get out, life is full of choices.

And there's 168 hours a week and you spend so many of those at work that if you don't like it, don't stay in it. You can swear if you want. You can reign it in. No, swear. But yes, I am a big believer in that. So I've never, jobs that I didn't like, I left and there was only one. But yes, whenever I left nursing because I didn't like it, I just loved PT more. It's not a bad problem to have, to leave something that you like because you love something more. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And then given the opportunity to work at NextGen was awesome.

So that, yeah. Easy decision to make? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about your kids a little bit at the start, what are the, what are the traits or the things that you want to instil in them while they're growing up? How old are they? Siobhan is nine and Isla is six and they keep me on my toes. What traits do I want? I want them to be... They remind you to breathe though, right? Yeah, they do. They do. They do. They do. I want them to be, I just want them to be happy with what they're trying at.

So they don't have to be perfect at everything, but they have to give things a go. So for example, Siobhan at school, well, she doesn't like doing cross country because she doesn't like running and that's fine. I don't mind that, but I still encourage her to do it, which she always has. And what I don't like though, this, I don't know how this is going to go down, but whatever it's coming out of my mouth. Throw it out. I don't like that every single child gets a competitor's ribbon. It drives me crazy. We could go down a rabbit hole here because I could argue for a while, but why not?

Because I think people that are good in their sports and good in what they practice all the time deserve first, second and third, that's it. And I do understand from an encouragement side of things, but I don't know, like you didn't get first, second and third. It doesn't mean you're terrible, but you didn't get first, second or third. It's fine. It's fine to not get a ribbon for everything. It's fine to not get, Oh, anyway, yeah, I'll just get a nice, I feel very, very similar. And I think it's, we kind of create created like a society has been created where people need validation for every little thing they do.

Like they need a pat on the back for rocking up to work. They need a pat on the back for doing the work and then they need a pat on the back for, you know, all the little extra things they do. But you know, I think, and you're, you're a perfect example of it. If you take pride in all those things, even if you suck at it, you still feel good because you're working hard and you're learning. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's an interesting one. The Chinese factory that makes all of those red, yellow, green, and then participation ribbons.

Yeah. That's right. That's right. That's awesome. Tell me, tell me about your learning. So you moved from nursing to PT cause you wanted to study something. Yep. The learning hasn't stopped. Has it? No, I think it's because I absolutely love this industry. I actually, oh, I don't know, well one you can never know enough, but like the mindset side of things. So obviously we both know handing people a weight is easy, 5% of our job. Yeah, that's right. But building people's mental muscle and having people realise that, um, they are capable of a lot more that they, than they actually realise.

Um, okay, so for example, weight loss, I deal a lot with weight loss because I've lost a fair bit myself, but, um, just the stories that they tell themselves, like I can't lose weight. Well, you can, you've just got to do the right thing. And it's just those, it's that hard wiring that you've had in your brain from instilled from a young age, you know, 99% fat free and all that sort of stuff. Like I had to retrain my brain from all of that stuff, which I found so hard when I first lost weight, that

for people to realise that just by retraining their brain and given different focuses and you know, writing things down is, you know, a huge power of error. So I'll do any, yeah, so I've done a lot of mindset, mindset work, which I like the hard, the hard thing. That's not a hard thing, but the thing is it's, it's not like for the people that are struggling to lose weight or struggling to make changes, it's not your fault, but it doesn't matter. Like it's like, it's not your fault, but it's still not poor you. It's just, this is the way it is.

And you've got to figure out what are the things that allow you to start changing your behaviour. Because if you maintain the same behaviour, she's going to be exactly the same and nothing's going to change. Talk to us about your weight loss because you come from a position of knowing rather than just telling. So tell me about, talk to me about your weight loss. So I, I get, I played basketball all my junior years and I played and trained. It ended up being like seven days a week between domestic, different domestic comps and basketball. And once I turned 18 and I was just partying a little, um, I dunno, I guess I just started to gain weight.

I was never small, so I was never what I used to call what I would normally call skinny. I was never that frame. I was never small and I, all I wanted to be was at the time skinny. So I stopped playing basketball and then all the weight piled on. Actually I got my license. I reckon that's what it was. I got my license and then I drive through Maccas and you know, cause it was easy and I drink coke. So I used to drink 30 cans, 30 cans of Coke Zero a week. Yeah. And in my head, it's disgusting.

It's disgusting when I think about it now and it was complete habit. So it was one of those, yeah, and it was one of those stories that I told myself it's sugar free so it's fine. Oh my God. Um, but, uh, then, so I, I, yeah, so I put on weight from 18, lost it, put it on, lost it, put it on. So I would go and try Weight Watchers. Great. I'd lose weight. Then I'd reward myself with crap food that didn't help me get there in the first place. And I guess over time, you know, weight gain happened.

Yeah. Then I had to do IVF to have kids and told myself and well, I didn't really feel stressed by it mentally, just financially it was stressful for me. Um, and we had Siobhan and we were successful with Siobhan and then in between, so we had nine attempts all up in IVF long story short, nine attempts in IVF, Siobhan was first go successful. We had seven or eight other attempts, Ayla was our ninth, in those eight attempts, six of them I felt pregnant with and lost at some stage and two of them were just a complete negative.

Then we had Ayla. So in that whole time, what was the timeframe? Is that the, so obviously three years between Siobhan and Ayla? Yeah, so there's three and a half years between them. So we started trying for our second when Siobhan was six months old. So it was like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. What was that like? Um, the first, so we had Siobhan, it was successful. We had the second one with, I felt pregnant and I lost it and I thought my whole world had ended. I could not stop crying. I was so ridiculously upset.

I was like, why is this happening to me? Blah, blah, blah. Anyway. And then, so it was like that for like two days. And then I was like, Oh my God, Susan, get your shit together. Like this is not normally you like get your shit together. You can't, um, you can't keep going like this or you'll never have another attempt. That was a pretty quick turnaround, two days. Yeah. I'm like, I'm usually a 24 hours, so if I'm upset about something, I give myself 24 hours to be upset about it and then move on. So

that was actually a long time for me and I couldn't even handle being that upset for that long cause I'm not a massive crier or anything. Um, and then yeah, I just said, Oh, all right, get it together. You will not try again if you let this like continue in this downward spiral that you're heading in. And then I woke up the next day and I was fine. And then yeah, just continued on with life and then try it again. And then when the next one we felt pregnant with again and we lost it, um, I was like, okay, you've got 24 hours, then you're fine.

And I was in, but that's, and that's just how I am with life. That's pretty cool. Like, is that just a, like you taking complete ownership of the situation and going, well, it's happened. I can't control it. I'll allow myself a small period of time to feel what I need to feel. And then it's on with whatever you got to do. But I didn't realize that at the time. So I'm a massive believer now in control your controllables and I know you know Craig Harper. So I'm a massive, massive believer in control your controllables now. But I didn't realize that's what I was doing at the time.

So I didn't realize I was just like, just get over it. Like you, nothing's going to bring it back. Where do you think that came from? Is that like, is that just you naturally that's who you are or is it something that like you developed or it was ingrained by someone else? Um, I reckon I was, I wasn't as headstrong as I am now in primary school, but as soon as high school hit, I feel like I was a lot, or maybe halfway through high school, I feel like I was a lot more headstrong. I don't really know why.

I don't know whether it was just growing up or what it was, but. Cause that resilience is probably not normal in today's society with most people, like that ability to be able to, for lack of a better term, shrug it off, deal with it and shut it off. Um, that's pretty cool. Yeah. That's just how it, and it's just stayed with me. I just, that's how it is. Yeah. Yeah. So how does, how does that, so from those three and a half years in between, was it just like one roadblock after another, like trip up, stand back up, dust yourself off, keep going?

Yep. Yep. So initially prior to us finding out we had to do IVF when we were trying to have kids, we had spoken about, cause we were struggling and we'd spoken about what if we can't have them and we'd both agreed at this time that it's fine if we can't have kids, we can't have kids. Like life goes on, we can go traveling, do this, that and the other. But as soon as that doctor sat there and goes, you can't have kids naturally, we walked out of there and went, okay, let's try whatever we can to have them.

And if we can't have them, then that's fine. But yeah. So initially, yeah, but to try. So we did acupuncture and Chinese medicine. So I did it with, religiously with Siobhan, felt pregnant with her and kept it and then kind of sporadically the whole time, the rest of the time, and then did full on acupuncture when we had islands. So whether it's, whether it worked or whether it didn't, I actually have no idea. Correlation, causation, doesn't matter. So yeah. That's really interesting. Yeah. That's cool. How did your health and I guess weight fluctuate through that period?

Were you still ticking over 30 cans a week? Yeah. The whole time? Yeah. That's gnarly. Yeah. And, but I had a really bad, like I've lost 45 kilos. So I was... Overwear. I was fairly overweight. And then after I had ILR, so long story after I had ILR. So I ended up sick and had to have brain surgery. And then it was after that, that I was like, I am legit going to burst through my skin if I don't do something about it. I love how you've just rolled through, I lost 45 kilos and you just rolled through, I had brain surgery.

And then you just keep talking. Let's just rewind a little bit. Talk to me about that 45 kilos. Okay. So let's just hit, let's hit that on the head first. How does one go about losing 45 kilos? Oh, okay. So, well, this was post brain surgery when people were, we're going to go back to that. Okay. So, um, I called my cousin, he's a PT in Ireland, still is. And I said to him, you need to help me because I need to lose weight. I'm way too overweight. And he's like, I'll take a photo and have a look at the photo.

And I was like, in my head, I was like, this photo is going to do jack shit. So I stood in front of the mirror and I took the photo and it is, to this day, I never thought I'd look at it again. There's kids toys in the background, didn't even tidy because I never thought I would look at them again. And today are the photos I look at the most to this day because I never, ever want to go back there anywhere near there. Be that unhealthy, be in that mindset, I don't want to be in that mindset.

And then he goes, whatever you eat, make sure it's real food. Cool. So I did, and if it wasn't real food, I didn't need it. And that's still how I lost. So I lost my first 10 kilos before I went to next year and that's how I lost it. And I just put real food in my mouth, that was it. And then yeah, got to next year and they were doing meal plans or actually guide, guiding us to eat back then. And so it was still the same food, real food. And yeah, I just continued

to sort of drop weight and then it put me on a meal plan and I continue to drop weight and I've been on a meal plan ever since she put me on my first one. And I just, I liked that structure. I like, it's one less thing I have to think about. Great. I just pick up a container and I just, yeah, I just don't think about it. Yeah. So it's one of those, like you're taking decision fatigue away from, away from you. That's amazing. Yeah. That's really cool. What if, if like with your, with your clients, what advice do you give them?

Do you show them the photo you took and talk to them about how much difference that made or person to person? A lot of my clients have seen the photo, like will say to me that they've seen the photo. Yeah. But I am pretty probably brutal sometimes. Like if I hear the same excuse over and over again, I've used it for starters. So yeah, so the majority of the excuses that they come to me with I've used or if they say I've stuck to my meal plan and nothing's changed, then you haven't stuck to your meal plan because it would change.

And it's not next gen science. It's like worldwide. It's just, it's just, it's just trust in the process. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I'm, I dunno, I just, yeah, it's like, sometimes it's out of my mouth before I have. Yeah. There's nothing, there's nothing wrong with that though. Like I think it's. And they do really well. Yeah. And I was there once, like I'm very open with, I was there, like I'm where I was where you are right now. And the struggle to lose weight is just as hard as it is for me today, keeping the weight off.

Like I have to think every single day about what goes into my mouth. It's not like it's smooth sailing now. Yeah. It's the same. Well, that's, that's the thing. Like it doesn't get easier. Like you just, I don't know, I don't know whether you get more resilient at doing the things you need to do or more disciplined or whatever. But like, for example, you're, you're the same. What time do you usually start? You get up about four, four thirty. That's insane. So you're like, you get up like half an hour, an hour before me. And

I feel like I get up early and my brain hurts getting up and every morning, like it doesn't matter like some mornings you feel better, but every morning I like hate getting out of bed. Oh really? Yeah. Why? I just, I love sleep. So like I'm not a morning person and like, you need to change your focus. That's a cop out because anyone that says they're not a morning person just needs to start getting out mornings. But I love the mornings. I love being up at the gym five thirty six, ready to go, ready to train, ready to make people better.

But that 15 seconds from laying down in bed to feet on the floor hurts. It hurts my soul. And it's like, I still struggle with it. How much sleep do you get? You get like a seven hour sleep. I'm trying, no, no, I'm trying to get more than seven hours sleep. Like that's my minimum, that's my minimums that I'm trying to hit and I've been real shit the last couple of weeks. Yeah. I'm not doing some more PM coaching hasn't helped. Yeah. Sometimes we don't tick the boxes, but I guess like that for me doesn't get any easier.

Like that morning, morning stuff. So it's really important for people who are going through behavior change and trying to change it to understand that it doesn't really get easier. No. Like you're not, you never get to that day where you're like, yep, I'm good now I can chill out. Yeah. I feel like in like to training as well, you never, training never really gets easier as you get better. Yeah. You just give yourself a bigger challenge. That's right. And that's life. Yeah. Um, and if we can get into that mindset, the more people that can

get into that mindset, the better the world's going to be because we're going to have less people looking for participation trophies and more people actually achieving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You had brain surgery. I did, God. So after we had Isla about seven weeks later, I, I don't know, it was about midday and I got this horrific headache and it did not go for four months. So, um, I don't even think I was doing much to be honest that I can remember. I know I was out because I was driving home and I thought, God, my vision's gone all funny.

I wonder what that's about. Yeah. And yeah, got home. I rang my husband at the time and, um, asked him if he could come home. He was pouring concrete. So I rang my mom to come to the house. So she usually drives slow. I reckon she got there from Roville in about five minutes. So I, yeah, I was seven weeks old at this point and I just had headaches. I have no explanation for it. So I went to bed, got up, still fuck crap during the night, got up to Isla still fuck crap. So it just got progressively, it was never good.

It got progressively worse and then just stayed bad. So I reckon it got progressively worse for about two weeks and then just stayed. So did you, like obviously you would've gone through all the normal like headache, remedies like aspirin and water and hydration. Yeah. Cause I just thought it was a migraine. I was like, holy crap, people that get migraines, this is hell. I can't see properly. I can't even look after my child. So I would have, so Siobhan was at three year old kinder, so that was hardly any hours in the week. So I had both the kids home most of the time.

And but I would hold, be holding Isla, Anthony would come home from work. I would hand him Isla, the youngest and close my eyes. The only reason I know I closed my eyes is cause all I remember was waking up. I don't remember going to sleep and apparently I just lay my head on cause I always had to like lay my head on like the couch, like I was slouching on the couch because to hold my head up, the weight of it was not pleasant. That's insane. So that was day in, day out from March until June.

And I'd been to multiple doctors, I'd had doctors at the house, so I'd seen five doctors in that time and they all said, oh, it's a virus or you're a new mum because Isla was so young. She's still awake at night, so she would wake it, but she would only wake at 2am for a feed and then go back to sleep. So it's not like I did not have a tough for a new mum. So you didn't get any help from them? No, everyone just ignored it. No one checked my eyes. My GP checked my eyes and she was great, but she didn't say anything at the time.

And then, um, she went overseas, so I took myself to emergency that night cause I just felt terrible. I felt like my eyes were bulging out of my head. Like I felt like I looked funny. Like when I come into training and I go, my head's bad, I feel like I look funny to people cause my eyes just, my eye sockets hurt, my eyeballs hurt, it's horrendous. Anyway, so then took myself to emergency at a particular hospital in the Eastern suburbs, shall remain nameless, and they completely fobbed me off. So the doctor came in and he goes, oh, so you've got headaches?

And I'm like, yes, I've had them 24/7 for months. And he said, or for two months at that time. And he said, um, so do you want a CT scan? And I said, oh, that'd be great, please. And I was sitting like this on the bed and I said, oh, that'd be great, thanks. And he goes, it's a little bit dramatic, don't you think? So I didn't, I couldn't even comment. Like I didn't normally my feisty self would have revved up definitely, but I was just like in this, everyone was ignoring it. I knew there was something wrong, but then I was like second guessing myself at that point cause we're in May now.

And then you think you're crazy and yeah. So then I was like, okay, maybe I am losing my mind. Maybe I am making this up, whatever. So then he said, well, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't have a bacterial infection or anything like that. And I was like, okay, no worries. And then when I was leaving, he said, oh, I'm going to give you a broad spectrum antibiotic. And I said, if I've got a virus, I don't have a bacterial infection. Why are you giving me antibiotics? So I had full cracked the shits by this point because he hadn't even checked my eyes when I told him that they were bulging out of my head.

So I just took the script and I just ripped it up and put it in the bin as I was walking out the door. I was fuming. And my mum had come with me cause Anthony was home with the kids. And yeah, I said to mum, I reckon it's postnatal depression. Like I am not okay. I don't think I'm going to do anything stupid, but just keep an eye on me cause yeah, I don't, yeah. Don't know. But I was very sick. - Just some solid self-awareness to be able to like say that, I guess being a nurse helped.

- Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Um, and then, so I went home and then two weeks later, mum said to me, she had the kids again on Wednesday. And my mum took like three months off work because every single day I needed her at some point saved my life. So then, yeah, she was there one particular Wednesday and she said, this is ridiculous. Go and see your GP and ask for a CT scan. Yeah. Anyway. So I went up there and asked for a CT scan. She looked in my eyes again. She said, you're not going to get in for a CT scan this late.

Why don't you just go to your local optometrist and have your eyes checked? Anyway. And I said, Oh, okay. No worries. She goes, I can't see anything, but then my room may not be dark enough. So on my way home, I rang OPSM at Knox at the time and said, have you got any appointments by any chance that I'll be able to be squeezed in? She goes, we've got one in half an hour. Can you get here? So I, in my head, I was like, and I've never had eye issues ever. And I was like, things happen for a reason.

I wonder why I got in so quick. So anyway, I went to Knox. This guy took one look in my eye and went, Oh, fuck. And he didn't know me from a bar of soap. I'd never seen him before. I'd never had eye issues and never had anything. And he's like, um, he said, um, you're bleeding into your retinas into both of your retinas. So all he could see in my eye, see that binder of that book, it's bright red. That's what the back, that's what the back of my eye looked like. So for those playing at home, the book is in fact, bright red.

It's quite bright red. If you're wondering, it's actually bright red, but carry on. Um, anyway, so he said, I'm going to take some photos and I'm going to show you a normal line, I'm going to show you your eye. So he did that. So you can't, couldn't see anything in the back of my eye except for red. Couldn't see my optic nerve. Couldn't see anything going on in there. They were both really red. So there was too much pressure on my brain, which was making like causing that problem. So he said, you need to go to emergency.

And he goes, and I'm going to drive you. And I said, Oh, I've been driving around with this for months. So now he's just like, what the fuck? Yeah. And I said, don't worry about it. Like, I'll just ring my husband and he just come and take me. But prior to this, I went to like, say the local shops and I crashed my car twice into two poles. And I was like, I am not that shit a parker. How have I hit these poles? I've parked in this place for years, but twice I had damaged

my car and gone home with like lies because I was like, I don't even know how I was so bad, but that's why, because I couldn't see properly. So I kept saying, there's, it's like, there's a sticky note, so this eye, there's a sticky note left eye, um, when I rung my finger across it, there was a blank spot and it feels like I needed to scratch something out of it. So that was the blood clot. So did it feel like that for the whole time? From, for about six weeks prior. Yeah. Yeah. And it just kept getting gradually worse.

Yeah. And you would have spoken to people that have, they get migraines and have migraines and stuff, and they would have been describing symptoms. I didn't really talk to anyone. I just stayed home. Like my head was so heavy. I was so sick. I was just, I don't know, I was just in all sorts. I couldn't, I couldn't go to the shops because very often, because I was so like weak at the time, like as it progressed here, the headaches just stayed the same, but like my body just got weaker and weaker and weaker. And for me to walk into Coles and get a whole grocery shop did not happen.

I had to go like a couple of times, but then because everyone kept telling me I was fine, I was like, just push through. You'll be fine. Just push through. You'll be fine. So, yeah. So then he said, you have to go to emergency. So I reeled off these hospitals that I wouldn't go to. So we came up with the Austin that I went to and they saved my goddamn life. I reeled off these hospitals I wouldn't go to. But the Austin's amazing. So, um, yeah, so I went to emergency there. He drove you or did you drive?

I drove. So I drove home and I walked inside and then I just lost it. I burst into tears. I'm like, I fucking knew there was something wrong. Why didn't anyone fucking believe me? I was absolutely uncontrollably distraught. There was no controlling your controllables then. I was just out of control in tears. Um, but yeah, then I got it together and we went to the hospital and I just begged them. I said, please God, don't send me home until you, until you find out something until, you know, you know something anyway. So then I was

in there until 2am and then they admitted me, but in three hours of being at the hospital, I'd been triaged, which is the nurse at the front, I'd had two lots of bloods done, a CT scan, um, a lumbar puncture, which is a needle into your spine, which was not pleasant. Um, and a neurologist came down to see me. So that was, I was, I was really impressed by that. And I realized that they knew that I was sick by then, but yeah, I was impressed by that. But my lumbar puncture, um, the level of your lumbar puncture needs to be below 20 and mine was at 18 at that point.

And then I had another one the next day and it was at 22. So the pressure in my spine was building rapidly, which could lead to blindness, stroke, or death. So three things that we are looking for. Yeah, correct. So yeah, I was admitted into hospital, had heaps of tests done, couldn't walk anywhere, just stayed in bed the whole time, just had my head on a pillow cause it was too heavy to lift. And then it was a long weekend in June of that year and I said to the neurologist, can I please go home? Like, can I please go home to my kids?

And he said, you can go home for the weekend if it gets worse, then you need to come back. This is the full version. By the way. Yeah. Full version's good. So I went home and kept checking my vision. I still felt crap. I felt zero difference from any medication that they'd given me to try and stop the pressure build up. And then, so I kept checking my vision, it got to Sunday and my vision was worse in my left eye again. So I rang, cause he said to me, make sure you ring and come straight in if there's any changes.

Yeah, cool. So I rang him in and whoever answered the phone said, I said, oh, I'm meant to come back in if my vision's got worse or my vision has got worse. I said, I've been in there for the last, I don't know, over a week. And um, yeah, so I said, I have to come back in. And this person said to me, well, your doctor's not going to come in on a long weekend. So just go to your outpatient's appointment on Thursday. And in my head I was like, oh God, no worries. I was like, yep, sweet.

No worries. They just told me that I need to definitely come in and he's like, well, they're not going to come in. So there's no real point. Like nothing's going to change. All right, no worries. Hung up the phone. Went to my outpatient's appointment on Thursday and the shit hit the fan. So I went in there and they checked my eyes and she's like, why are you not in hospital? This is disgusting. You should not be here. Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, well, actually told her the story about what happened, the conversation. Thankfully I didn't know names, but um, and then yes, I told her the story.

So she said, you were going straight back over there. You are staying in hospital until we resolve this. Blah, blah, blah. So, and I said, well, it's obviously got worse. And she goes, you've got three clocks in that eye and blah, blah, blah. Anyway. So I went back over to the hospital, sat in emergency and then within, I dunno, 20 seconds of being in emergency, they go, Susan, Val. And I was like, yep, that's me. I go, I don't need a wheelchair. They came out with a wheelchair. I go, I don't need a wheelchair. I'm sweet to walk.

And they said, you're sitting in here and we're taking you straight upstairs. So that was back on the ward. And I was like, sweet. No worries. I'll sit in your wheelchair. So up I went and they did another, another lumber puncture now over the course of this whole time I had, this was my fourth lumber puncture. So it's gone from 18 and this one was, yeah, so it needs to be under 20 to 38. So they said, you're not going home and everyone panicked. So then of course I panicked and natural reaction. Yeah. So the next, they said, you're not going home.

That's fine. And then the next night, okay, no worries. And then the next morning at six o'clock in the morning, the head neurologist came in, who was looking after me and he was great, um, came in and he said, he closed the curtains. So I knew it was something serious. And he goes, the surgeons are coming down to tell you, you need emergency brain surgery. And I just want you to be okay. Yeah. I was like, what do you mean? We've never discussed that I'd be having brain surgery. So that was the first time that like brain surgery.

Yeah. Yeah. And I said, I can't have brain surgery today. I haven't seen my kids. And he said, and I found it, I actually found it really hard for my kids to come into hospital because I was so sick and I didn't want to say bye, especially cause they were so young and that was terrible for me. Um, so yeah, so he said that and I said, Oh, okay, well I don't really give two shits. I just need this headache gone. So whatever needs to happen, then that's fine. That needs to happen anyway. And he's like, are you okay?

And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. I just want these headaches gone. He goes, you're taking this very well, Susan, I just want to make sure you're okay. Cause you are going to crash and burn. You've been fine this whole time and you are going to crash and burn. I'm like, nah, I'm fine. I just want the headaches gone. When am I having it? And he's like today at 10 o'clock and I was like, I can't fucking have it today. No, I'm not having it today. And he said, why? And I said, I haven't seen my kids.

I haven't. No, no, I can't have it today. So then that was the Friday and he said, okay, well nothing's going to get worse over the weekend and if it does, I will make sure that you're in there. And I said, okay. So it was Monday morning. So first thing Monday morning. So I saw my kids on the weekend and told my family and stuff. And well, before he left, he said to me, so this has gone really bad really quickly and we can't stop this bleeding. And if you don't have this within two weeks, you will be blind, have a stroke or die.

And like of those three, I would not want to be here because I don't want to be dependent and I don't want to be blind. So, you know, I, yeah, that was, I just said, fine, do it like whatever. I'll have it on Monday. That's fine. My kids came in and I had to see them. I didn't tell them what was happening. Oh, I didn't tell someone what was happening. But that was extremely hard to say bye to them on the Sunday because one, we didn't really, we didn't know what this was caused by. All of my test results came back fine.

Like there was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing clinically apart from just the pressure, but what caused the pressure? We don't know. And we'll never know. Maybe because so many doctors fucked around and didn't believe me at the start, but whatever. That's my own little thing for them. So anyway, Monday rocks around and yeah, I had the brain surgery and I don't know, I came out of the, came out of surgery and I instantly, I just didn't have a headache. And I came back to, he came in to see me and he said, the neurologist and he's like, Sees, how are you going?

And I said, I haven't got a fucking headache. I have not got a headache. This is the first time in so long I haven't got a headache. And then I went back to the ward and the nurses were amazing cause I've been in there for so long as well. And I knew one of them, but, um, they were brilliant and they were like, how are you? I'm like, I'm fine. I'm so fine. I don't have a headache. And they're like, Oh my God. And then I just got up the next day, walked around, discharged two days later.

I was just, what they actually do, like, so what they attached. So they cut a horseshoe in the back of my head. They attached a shunt to the top right hand side of my brain. And that shunt ran down the back of my head, down the side of my neck, down the back of my sternum and into my stomach to release that pressure. So there was a little cap just that flicks up and down on the top. And once the pressure got too high, the cap would open, pressure would be released, fluid would be released.

So I had that in and they manually, there's an adjuster down the bottom of your skull and new technology they use, which I had, they use a magnet to tighten it and loosen it depending on how much pressure you have, how bad your headaches are and all that sort of stuff. So I had to go in and get that adjusted every fortnight. And up until this day, I still have reviews at the Austin. So that's been a long time, but they won't discharge me from that because they don't know why it happened, so they don't want it to sort of come back.

It's pretty crazy. They still don't know. Yeah. It's actually, that's the most frustrating. I can handle any part of that process. Control the controls, man. Yeah. It's just frustrating. I'm like, I just want an answer because of the reaction that I get now when I fly and train and stuff. But anyway, so yeah, so I had that put in and then maybe six months down the track. So then I started training and losing weight and, um, those 10 kilos you lost, that was kind of the kickstart of that. Yeah. So I had this first lot of surgery in the June and then I took that photo in the September.

And so I wasn't pregnant. It wasn't anything, even though I looked pregnant in it, but took the photo in the September after I'd spoken to my cousin and then started eating well and losing weight and joined next gen in the May of the following year. Amazing. So yeah, but in that time, I reckon about six months after I had to put in, it was like people with long hair will know this male or female, when you tie your hair up and there's a tight bit and you have to pull on it to like release it almost from your hair tie.

It was that feeling on the inside of my head. It actually nearly drove me crazy because I just kept pulling out my like skin. Yeah. Just trying to release it and just wouldn't. So I'd spoken to them about that. They, you know, at the time they were like, this isn't normal, but this is like a normal procedure. We do this procedure all the time and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I know, but this is driving me crazy and I realised that this has been the biggest drama. My life is never dramatic and this is the biggest drama I've ever had to deal with, but it's driving me crazy.

So after a period of time they agreed to have it taken out, but then it took another six months before they actually took it out. Yeah. So how long were you dealing with that feeling? 18 months. So you went from headaches for four months to dealing with that for 18 months. And at the time they didn't want to like do two brain surgeries that close together. So I guess that's what we were trying to avoid as well, but in the end they agreed to have it taken out. And cause I said to them, if I need this pulled back in, I am a hundred percent happy to suck that up and put it back in.

But right now this is driving me nuts, this feeling, just pinching the whole time. So I went back in in the Jan of 2014. Was it the Jan? No. What year are we in now? 2019? I think. Yeah, the Jan of 2014. And had it taken out. And when I was in waiting to go in for surgery, I said to the nurse, I said, how long does this procedure take? She goes, oh 45 minutes. I'm like, sweet, no worries. Anyway, so then I was nice and relaxed and ready to go and I came out and my husband at the time said to me, oh, I'm going to go home.

And I was like, go home. And I was still out of it. Yeah. And I said, go home. What do you mean? I've been here for five minutes. He's like, it's 8.30 at night. And I went in at 2.30. Really? So long one. Yeah. So it took three and a half hours because that pulling feeling was it tangled in my brain. So they went into the, went in and tried to just pull the, unclip the tubing and pull it out, which was the quick procedure. But when they went to pull on it, they couldn't get it out.

And so it was tangled in your brain. Yeah. Sounds dramatic. There's so many words that you wouldn't expect to ever get together. So let's go with it. Wasn't very tangled. I don't know. I don't know. Tangled in my brain. That's, that's, that's not. But anyway, it was in a place that wasn't meant to be, which was foolish. Yeah. Yeah. I gotcha. So they couldn't get it out. Yeah. So they couldn't, when they pulled on it, they couldn't get it out. So then they had to do a bigger procedure and go back into the original spot and take it out.

So it took three and a half hours. Far out. But anyway, I recovered. And whatever. Yeah. Oh, but whatever. I love that notion on this. It's awesome. So what? So then what happened? Then you're back to training and back to moving and yeah, yeah, well I wasn't, I ain't like. What was the recovery like? Oh, recovery was great. Yeah. So you were pretty good. So good. I think as I was so unbelievably sick beforehand that anything was better than that. Anything was better than that dark hole I was going down and I just, I didn't have a headache.

Like it was, I was fine. The next day I was like, I am completely fine. Awesome. Get up and just walk. I did. And then they're like, you can go home. I'm like, awesome. Catch it. See ya. This time I will not be back. And it's been good since? Like being good. I will talk about the, when it's not good, but it's been good in the fact that you haven't had to go back into surgery. Yeah. So they check up on me. They were checking up on me every three months for a long, long time, long, long, long, long, long time.

Yeah. And then it stretched out maybe a year or so ago to every six months. Yeah. And now I'm at nine months, um, maybe six weeks ago it was my last one. So I don't have to see them now for nine months. Awesome. Yeah. Cause things just don't change. But you still get that headache-y feeling occasionally. Yeah. I don't know how to describe it. I know you've experienced it. Um, so the side effects of the brain surgery for me are like, it affects me when I'm training. And now when I'm flying, I wasn't allowed to fly for a long period of time until the last 12 months.

I was given the Orklea to fly, but that's another story in a sec. But in terms of training, um, nothing specific affects it each time. So it's different. Yeah. So I can't say, Oh, I can't do squats with a barbell on my back because that'll affect my head. I do them and sometimes it's fine. And sometimes it's not. Well, we did about 40 squats this week, so I hope not. And I'm fine. And some days I go training and I'm completely fine. Sometimes I'll go and get under a barbell and I have to get out of that gym quick smart because things are going pear shaped real quick.

So I don't have any warning that it's coming. I don't have like, I trained with Chris a lot at NextGen and I trained with Ebb prior to that. And so they've both seen, Oh, you've probably seen me at, yeah, you've seen me at my worst as well. So, um, sometimes I'll be in a session and I'll be so fine at the start and then I'll be so not okay. And I'll just need someone to just keep saying, just get through that, just get me to the end of the session. Cause I just want to keep training.

Cause if I stopped, I know that, you know, a lot of people say to me, well, you can't train when you're like that. But if I did not train every single time my head was bad, I would never train. And that's not an option for me. Like that is not an option. So I just do what I can in the session that I'm in and get to the end. But in terms of how, I don't know how to describe it. So I feel like my eyes look funny when my head's bad. I get, uh, I get, I'm just spaced out.

I'm just, um, a little bit out of it. And in between breaks, in between like stuff that I'm doing, I have to lie down. Like I cannot hold my head up and it's just heavy and all through my neck. I have it treated every three weeks and have had since round two of surgery. So it's a long time, um, so that I'm okay. Like that sounds dramatic. It's not that I'm not okay, but sometimes it just comes on randomly. Like if I don't have my head treated to have like my skin on one side of my head doesn't move properly when it needs to be treated, which is now post flight.

And um, yeah, so I stay on top of that, but still it will affect me when I'm training. So it's like, I'm inside a cloud and I cannot get out of there. So it's very, very hard for me and I'll turn it on when I need to. But if I'm just sitting with like the guys, like Amy, Chris, Terry, whoever at the factory, I completely switch off. Well, I don't switch off, but I just have to lie there and, you know, speak when I need to speak or whatever, not like right now, what do you do to manage that feeling?

There's not a lot that I can do. I just have to get through it and get a massage or get treatment, which is just like massage. So it's just a cranial, cranial massage and all down through my neck. And sometimes I do my back, but that equally makes me extremely sick. So for four days, potentially after I've had it worked on, I'm not great either. So say for two weeks of the month, I'm fine, I guess, but I still get reminded every day that this has happened. So it's pretty crazy. Yeah, it is. But you're always smiling regardless.

And I love that. Thanks. Do you, like, do you, some days, are you still like, why me or is it, no, I've never been why me ever, ever. I would never wish this upon people I despise, like I despise so many people, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Absolutely not. I am definitely, I don't know, it's, but it was terrible to go through. I wouldn't want anyone to experience it for sure. And to have this on, like, this is my life now. Yeah. What's, what does it, what does it taught you about life? Like,

do you have, have you had like a, like a light bulb moments or like a defining moment where it's just been like, you know, this has taught me this or has it just been lots of little moments? No, well, probably lots of little moments maybe, but I'm not, there was definitely not one massive moment because at the time my kids were young, so all I wanted to do was function and be okay for them and it affected Siobhan a lot because she was three. And I went into hospital, I went to the doctors and never came home basically, twice.

So I went in to have my eyes checked, came home, it was a basket case when I saw the poor child and then went straight into hospital, did not come back home that night. And then the second time I went in for my outpatient appointment from my eyes and I was taken straight back in. So I have to now have a point, well, she's at school now, so it's easier, but I always have to have appointments during school hours because I don't want her to know that I'm going because it's still, you know, it's like, oh, make sure you come home, mum.

Yeah, I'm coming home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I try and I guess not tell them as much, but they, if I, so I've got pretty heavy painkillers to take when it's really bad, like when it really affects me and I'll only take them if I have to function well for my kids because they pick up on it every single time. Like a couple of weeks ago I was, oh yeah, when I cancelled, I was really sick and just couldn't move. I couldn't, just needed to get, just needed to lie down and I picked them up from school and I thought I was fine and Siobhan's like, what's wrong with your head, isn't it?

So she picks up on it really easily. Yeah. Like, have you talked to her about everything that's happened and how does she go with it? She's fine and she's very, I said, you know, this is my life now, like, you know, this is what happens in life. You know, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but in the scheme of things, things could be a lot worse than they are right now, Siobhan, so, you know, and they're not, and you still have me every day, your lucky thing. Yeah, well that's it. She doesn't feel so lucky. I'm sure she does.

Yeah, she does, but I don't know, I'm just like, well that's just life, like, you know, you just have to deal with whatever it throws at you, but no, I've never said poor me ever once. I like it. It's pretty amazing. Talking about all the mindset stuff you've done over the last couple of years, because I think, yeah, I'm gonna not keep talking. I, um, I don't even know which was my first seminar I went to, um, it was a couple of years ago, and I went to a two-hour seminar, actually it was Craig Harper's a couple of years ago, maybe even longer, or maybe it was three years ago, because I've been to see him four times live.

Yeah, for anyone that hasn't, doesn't know Craig Harper, jump on Instagram and follow Whiteboard lessons. Yeah, great guys, yeah, and listen to his podcasts, um, so, yeah, I saw him live and didn't really know much about him, but did follow him on social media, anyway, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to this, so off I trot by myself, whatever, went to this seminar, he was in Emerald at the time, and it was actually a free event then, and, um, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he had my attention for that entire

two hours, and I just took a lot away from it, Control Your Controllables was one, but, which I live by, and instill in my clients as well, like if you can't control it, don't let it stress you, because you can't do anything about it, you can't change it, so just let it go, but, um, so that was messy for me, but he, like, just a lot of the stuff he said just made sense, just, I don't know, resonated with me in my little world, I guess, and then, I can't remember who my next one was

with, can't remember, I just would go to mindfulness stuff, and, yeah, but I actually did a coaching at 12 week, it wasn't 12 weeks at all, 6 week, 6 week coaching with Craig Harper at the start of this year, which was great, yeah, it was really good, there was a lot of interaction with other people in it, and we had to coach other people and stuff like that, but, I think even though the majority of the time people, um, like, say the same thing, they may word it differently, but even just hearing it over and

over again, and obviously you know about the art of note taking, um, and how effective that is, yeah, I'm just a massive note taker, I was at my last, my most recent, um, my most recent seminar on Monday actually with a guy called Scott Harris, he's an Aussie, he's absolutely brilliant, he has my attention as well, that whole day for 10 hours, I was all ears, all pen and paper, I took half a book of notes, like, I could just, it's just, yeah, I just love it. Why do you love learning so much? Um, I

just love to, I don't know, be better, I just want to be the best that I, best version of me that I can be for me, for my kids, for, you know, next gen, and for my clients at next gen, I just want to be, give them, give everyone the best of me that, you know, I can. Love that, I respect that a lot. To help them, yeah. It's incredible. Like it helps me, it's helped me, I retrained my brain back then before this all, before all this training started, I had to start retraining my brain and I've just, it's huge, it is huge.

Little brain, isn't it? How did I meet you? Interesting. Jess. Yeah, Jess, couple years ago. Jess came, Jess, when she was doing our internships, came in and trained, and she's like, can I bring a friend? Yeah, and then we trained together down here, Jess. And then you came down, and you stuck around. I did, left for a bit. It's been a dream, it's been awesome. What are the, if you could pick maybe three or four things that you've learnt over the last couple of years that you wish everyone on earth knew or understood, what would they be?

That you've got the ability to change your focus within 90 seconds of something that's not serving you. So if you, I don't know, if you feel negative towards something or if you, say you wake up and you're in a bad mood, right? And you've got 90 seconds to change that focus from that grumpy mood being the forefront of your mind to like something happy. Yeah. Gratitude, just something you're grateful for every day, even when people just like, a lot of my clients do journaling. And, you know, at the start they may think that the things they're grateful for are just like, you know, my dog, my whatever.

Coffee, bed. Yeah, but that's fine because down the track it just gets them thinking, you know, more and I don't know, consistency and persistence every day of the week. Like just chip away. Do you have a day off? Sundays. What do you do on Sundays? If I've got my kids, I am with them, obviously, and then if I don't, I train. I knew that would be the answer. Oh, I love it. Train, meal prep, learn, all that stuff. Yep, listen to podcasts. Give me one more. What was the question again? What do you wish everyone knew?

Oh yeah, that you can retrain the hard wiring in your brain 100%. 100%. And it takes time, and it takes effort, and it takes work. Are you going to give me a book? 100% you can. I think you've read it. I think we've talked about it. Have you read that book? No. It's called The Brain That Changes Itself. I'm giving you a book. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh yay. Brain Science, oh yes. Yeah, it's super cool. Talk about neuroplasticity and why we can change. Anyway, not important, talk about that later. For the second time we get you on, you can review the book.

I don't know if I can do this again. Giddy. I've got a bunch of questions for you. Oh god, wasn't that just questions then? No, that was just a conversation. What's your favourite fun fact? I need warning for this. No, you don't. It's my favourite fun fact. I don't know what my favourite fun fact is. You know so much stuff. Favourite fun fact. No, I don't know, skip it. Pass. Next one. What are you grateful for? My kids and my job. Awesome. And my little world. And your little world. It's a cool world. Yeah, I love my world.

I love, I'm so happy. I like being a little part of it. Why do you journal? I journal to, if I can't switch off, to get stuff off my mind and down on paper so that I can sleep better. Which is what I tell my clients as well. And I journal first thing I get up in the morning, when I get up in the morning, to have a great day. Positive focus. Awesome. Grateful focus. Yeah. Perfect. Why do you think a positive environment is so important? Because negativity just breeds crap. And sad times. And I know people go through sad times, like I know my story is bad for me, but it's definitely not the worst story out there.

Things could have been a whole lot worse for me, but yeah, I don't know, I just... That's just perspective, right? If you can look at your story and go, you know what, that was pretty soggy, like it's still hard living day to day with that, but like you just said, I love my world. Yeah. So you're able to take the negative and turn it into a positive. Yeah. And create that positive affirmation for yourself. Yeah. And I think like the environment when it's negative, it's just breeds negativity, like you said. And like, like attracts like, so if you're bitching and whinging, then you're probably going to spend time with people that are bitching and whinging.

Yeah. And you don't do that. Not even a little bit. Wouldn't happen even if you wanted to. What advice would you give a 15 year old version of yourself? Oh gosh, to stop eating shit food and just know that it's going to come and bite you in the bum. Yeah. And just be, just try, you know, be confident and try, that's what I say to my kids, like just be confident in trying something new and that failure isn't bad, failure is learning. Yeah. One of my coaches talks about it as just like peaks and valleys and like to go up the mountain, you've got to fall over a couple of times and you've got to deal with all the hurt.

But then when you get to the mountain, you just see the next one. Yeah. And then you can have a time where you're falling down the mountain or doing the long consistent like trough in the middle. Yeah. And I think when you can look at life like that and just lots of those over and over and over again, then all the failure stuff it just, it's a stepping stone to something better. Yeah. And then repeat. Yeah, that's right. That's right. If money wasn't an issue and you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do with your life?

If money wasn't an issue and I knew I couldn't fail, what would I do? I don't know. If I knew I couldn't fail. Yeah. I would, but I like what I do. I love what I do. Well then your answer could be exactly what I'm doing now. Exactly what I'm doing now. Good answer. Really good answer. I love it. I love everything about it. Like I love. Nothing better than being able to genuinely give that answer. Yeah. Like I do. Like you know, everything's positive at next gen. Like us trainers love the shit out of each other.

Um, and members, they'd be the same as yours. They never leave feeling worse than when they got there. And you know, the support that we give them there is we believe amazing. Yeah. So yeah, that's nice. Yeah. If you could be remembered in one sentence what would it be? Um, as a happy person who just got on with it. Really good. I like it. What are you most proud of? Um, having my, or surviving IVF, well not surviving IVF, but you know, not, yeah. Um, having my kids and like just the fact that I just kept going after this brain surgery all happened even some days are not flash and you know, like I'm no better.

I don't think I'm any better than anyone else by saying this, but like I don't call in sick. I don't not run a class because my head's affected. I don't cancel clients cause of it. I just, as soon as I walk through those back doors, that's it. I'm on. It's amazing. And then as soon as I'm finished, I am not. Sometimes I sit at the factory when I finish late and just lie on that couch until. It's an amazing resilience though to be able to do that. But I just wouldn't want it to affect people around me.

That's why like they're there for, you know, a good training session and you know, it's training sessions about them. And I would not want, I don't even want people to notice to be honest. I don't think people do, but maybe they do, but I don't think so. The guys I work with obviously. Do you think that selflessness and that desire to create a comfortable support environment for everyone around you has come from the 17 years of nursing? That's part of it? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. What do you, so flip flip side to that question.

What are you most ashamed of? Ashamed? Am I shamed? Yeah, maybe. Just my excessive weight gain. I wasn't, see at the time, so when I was bigger than I am now, when I was 107 kilos, I would tell myself that I ate well. I'm not even kidding. Yeah. So I honest and I honestly, it's that story that you tell yourself, like no kidding without a word of a lie, I thought I was eating well until I wrote it all down and then I went, Holy shit. Yeah. And then my Coke Zero downfall. Oh my God. But yeah, that's a, yeah, that's huge.

That's a lot. That's disgusting when I think back now. But back then I was like, yeah, give me another can of Coke. Is it bad that I kind of want a Coke Zero right now? No. Yes it is. No, no, absolutely no. You just want to sit. Carry on. Yeah. Who are your heroes? Who do you look up to and why? Who do I look up to? Um, well I definitely look up to Ebony who owns NextGen because one, she's become one of my closest friends and two, she's helped me a heap over the years potentially without realizing it.

I'm not sure, but um, just by her, you know, like making sure, you know, persisting with me when I, you know, when I was on my meal plan and then, you know, I eat something that I shouldn't have eaten and just her like, you know, working with me to, I dunno, help me lose weight. Like that's, that was a massive, massive part of my life there for years. So, and she was a massive, massive part of that was up to my mum. I just want to be a mum like she is sometimes. Um, yeah, they've been pretty influential on my little world.

Do you have a mantra? Um, no, not really, not a single one. We didn't talk about your comp. We did not. Fill us in. Um, I did a bodybuilding competition, not full bodybuilding. I did, um, entered into the fitness category for my first one. I came to that decision. I was just training in my PT session one day and I just turned around to Ebony and I said, I think I want to compete, but I'm not 100% sure, but I definitely want to get my body to that. Um, and then yeah, through the process I ended up getting my body to that, ended up competing in my first comp.

Um, I didn't place and that was fine. I was just stoked to have abs and just to have, be able to build muscle like I did. I was wrapped with that and I've always loved that look. Um, anyway, for years, like for forever, I've always loved that look. Um, and then I competed again in a new category that they brought in at the time for, it was called sports physique at the time. I'm not actually sure if it's still called that, but it was called sports physique. So it was for, I don't know, people with like more like bigger muscle than they needed for fitness.

Yeah. So I competed in that and I actually came second, which blew me away. Like I definitely came out of nowhere. I didn't think that I would, no, I didn't think that I would play second. Um, so I was absolutely wrapped with that. But then in saying that I would never compete again either. Um, because I want that physique 24/7, not for 24 hours. So for me to eat the highest amount of calories and stay as lean as I can is my ultimate goal day in, day out and not for anyone else. That's what I like.

And you know, we all have different goals. I was, um, I'm a numbers person because back when I was losing weight, I used to get on the scales all the time and it was there that got me off them, but it took her two years and a decent crack. She gave it. Um, but I was a scales person and I would jump on them like multiple times a day, which is not flash. Surely that in itself would have taught you about weight fluctuations and made you go, what am I doing? Yeah. So, um, then even now, so even now when I have my body scans and stuff like that, I still find myself, I'm still numbers related.

Yeah. And like everyone's different. Some people are happy when they're happy in their own skin and like I'm happy in my own skin, but I'm just driven by the numbers. Definitely. Yeah. If you could invite three people to dinner, who would they be and why? Three people. I guess they'd be the people I've looked up to over the time. Um, who would I, I don't know that I can narrow it down to three. I would have my mum and Ev obviously, but I would have friends that have been with me since the start. Yeah. So two group of friends, group of friends from basketball and a group of friends from high school.

But, um, yeah, like they've been there for this whole, like two groups of them have been there for the whole of IVF and the whole of the brain surgery. And that was for my high school friends. Like that was not a pleasant time. Like they would come and see me because they hadn't seen me for ages. And then, you know, they'd have their own ideas of one of like what was wrong with me and stuff and that all came out after the brain surgery. But, um, yeah, like that was pretty hard for them and I never really realised, I guess, cause I was going through that whole process and I was the one that fell crap.

I never actually realised the impact that it had on other people having to watch me like that because to me, all I had, all I was trying to do was get through each day. I wasn't thinking at that, which is probably going to sound really selfish, but I wasn't thinking of what are people doing for me? I was thinking I needed to make, I need to make it through another 12 hours with this baby and this three year old. And yeah, that was pretty much my days, day in day out. Yeah, that's crazy. They weren't great.

Yeah. But it's, it's, it's pretty remarkable that you're able to stop now and kind of look back and yeah. Appreciate everything so much. Yeah. I'm impressed I didn't get upset. As am I, as am I. A couple of favourites to finish off. Favourite way to spend a Sunday afternoon? Um, I love to train and my kids come with me. So yes, training on a Sunday afternoon. Definitely. Yeah. Favourite food? Grilled or Mexican. I'm not very out there. Nah. That's basically what I eat. Mexican's probably close to mine. Nice. It's just hard to actually say it was game changer.

It's amazing. Favourite movie? Um, I'm a shit movie person so I'm not even going to name one. Favourite podcast? Oh, I don't know that I can give. Favourite podcast? Um, I listen to yours. I listen to so many though. I love anything mindset and nutrition in terms of podcasts. How are you going to go listening to yourself on a podcast? Will you listen? Um, I'm not sure. Favourite book? Ooh. Favourite book. Favourite book, Useful Belief. Eb got me onto that. I don't know, maybe a year ago. Nice. But just, it's control your controllables. Yep. And like, yeah.

Yeah, it's similar. It's along the same lines as control. Favourite piece of advice you regularly give your clients? One day at a time. You cannot. We do eight week challenges at NextGen and it's a platform for them to, um, you know, to get all the tools that they can to help them change their life but they cannot change their life in eight weeks. That's cool. Like they need longer than eight weeks to be able to sustain it. Yeah. So one day at a time, one rep at a time, one meal at a time. Like don't,

you know, like meal prep is massive for me, but I have got, you know, there's other options for people that can't handle meal prep, which is completely fine as well. So yeah, one at a time. I like it. Yeah. What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given? Ever been given? Don't be so hard on yourself. Ooh, good. I'm not too sure that I excel at. No, you don't. But I try and it's always in my head. All right, that's good. Last one. Favourite quote? Hmm. Controlling controls. Mate, give me something different. I don't have any.

You said it 15 times. Not that I'm mad about that. I like it. But give me something different. Favourite quote. Favourite quote. I don't know. What's the top of my head? I don't know. I like to do it next time. Mate, thanks for coming on. Thanks for having me. This was fun. How can people find you to share, like what's your socials and stuff? I'm sues.nextgenfitnessfactory and susanbell on Facebook. Good from you. Thank you very much for having me.